He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
