I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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