the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
