im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
