I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We have started to decorate penises.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
