So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
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