I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
