my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
