Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
