my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
