I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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