I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
