i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I don't deserve a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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