Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
