it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
