You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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