I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
