why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
