someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
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