do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
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