Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
