This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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