didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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