i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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