Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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