he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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