I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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