thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
