the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
