Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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