My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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