dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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