It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i drank out of a bidet.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
