just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
