there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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