It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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