ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
