I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I need to calm my uterus...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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