i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
