He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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