i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
