Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
