There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
