Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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