That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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