bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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