Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
