omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Randomize
