Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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