so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
