You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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