why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
