I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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