we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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