i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
