it hurts more in the daytime
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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