Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
