Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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