I think I won the penis lottery.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
