if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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