I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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