Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Small penises have feelings too.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
