Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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