i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
