Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
