I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
