went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He? As in you personified your dick?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
