If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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