mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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