At least make sure they are 18
Why
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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