and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
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Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
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I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
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