put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
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