i wish there were pregnant emoticons
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
