I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
there is glitter all over my balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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