dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
